Fourteen Hours To Save The Earth

Chapter Five - The Destroying Ray

2009-09-18T04:00:00.000+01:00

Ming saves The Shark City by activating some sort of ray that lifts the city into the air. The water drains out of it and Flash etc are saved. Hurrah. More Damp Dale action, plus there's a bit where Flash blatantly gropes her breasts as he's "rescuing" her.

Prince Barin shows up, looking like an extremely camp Belgian (chunky, moustache). He persuades Zarkov that he's the rightful ruler of Mongo. Zarkov seems to accept this without question. They go off to rescue Flash and Dale.

As they're leaving the city, Flash, Dale, Aura and Lion King are attacked...by Hawk Men! Dale gets captured again, along with Lion King.

Barin and Zarkov arrive in time to save Flash and Aura from the Hawk Men. They fly towards King Vulcan's City In The Sky (just how many animal-related kingdoms and kings does Mongo have, anyway?), but as they get closer, Vulcan orders his men to fire The Deadly Melting Ray! The ship takes a hit and starts to fall.

Meanwhile, Dale is about to get married again. King Vulcan looks like Brian Blessed gone very much to seed. He giggles a lot. Dale runs to the other side of the bedroom (nice escape plan, Dale) and Vulcan releases...his pet bear! ("Ursulo"). The bear has weird stripes, as if it really wanted to be a zebra. But Vulcan is only having a laugh - he sends the bear away and slaps its arse as it leaves. Then he makes a disturbing Lust Face and advances on Dale...

Chapter Four - Battling the Sea Beast

2009-09-18T03:55:00.000+01:00

Flash has a really crap fight with the Octo-sac that even Ed Wood would be ashamed of.

Aura arrives just in time and saves him. Dale, useless.

As soon as Aura saves Flash he says "Where's Dale?!" and this really pisses her off (see picture), so when he's not looking, she destroys the 'air and water controls' on the underwater city, dooming them all...er...including herself. The water rushes into the city - Dale screams.

Note Shatner-style "obviously not Flash" stuntman.

Chapter Three - Captured By Shark Men

2009-09-18T03:45:00.000+01:00

Lion King saves Flash just in time and they rescue Dale from Ming's evil clutches by pushing over a giant idol. Ming flushes them (and Aura, who's gone after them) into the city's sewers, where they are captured by the Shark Men (the worst costumes ever). There's a really long underwater fight and they tease you with bits where you almost see Dale in soaking wet clothes.

Anyway, they're captured by the Shark Men and taken to the Shark Kingdom. On the way, they see a fight between a Giant Shark and an "Octo-Sac" (octopus), which is a) really violent and b) really cool.

The King of the Shark Men is the gayest King ever. He makes Flash fight him and Flash totally makes him his bitch. He says "No-one beats Kayla...and lives", Doctor Evil-style.

<--- Kayla

Note homo-erotic placement of sword-->

Anyway, he tricks Flash into one of those tanks that fills up with water, fills it up and then...releases the Octo-sac! Dale watches, screams, passes out.

Chapter Two - Tunnel of Terror

2009-09-18T03:35:00.000+01:00

They don't mess around. Flash and Aura (she's no Ornella Muti, this Aura, but at least her breasts are bigger than Flash's) escape and Flash ditches his Kirk-style torn shirt for a Kirk-style figure-hugging tunic. Then he gets into a spaceship and has a one-man starship battle with the Spinning Top Ships before crashing into one and befriending its captain, the King of the Lion Men.

Meanwhile, Dale is forced into skimpy clothes (and it's only episode two ) in preparation for her wedding to Ming. She's also been "de-humanised" (hypnotised) for the occasion, presumably so she doesn't have to act much. The wedding takes place in a tunnel, for some reason. Flash and Lion King rush to the rescue. The wedding will be over when the gong is struck 13 times!

<--- Hypnotised Dale

Skimpy Clothes Dale --->

However, just as Flash reaches the chamber, he's captured in the claws of a Giant Monster (Pteradactyl head, Giant Crab Claws)...

Chapter One - The Planet of Peril

2009-09-18T03:25:00.000+01:00

Mongo is heading for Earth - Flash's plane crashes and he and Dale Arden (who he met on the flight) bale out...right into Zarkov's compound. Zarkov goes, "Hey! Let's save the earth!" and Flash goes, "Yeah, alright". (Incidentally, he's the polo-playing son of a professor in the series).

Chapter One really goes all out - you get Giant Beasts (Iguanas) as soon as they land; Flash fights three "sub-human monkey men" (one of whom is the Psycho Sailor from one of the Harold Lloyd movies), Ming's daughter (Aura) throws herself at him, Ming puts the moves on Dale and then Flash and Aura fall into The Pit Of The Beasts.

Iguanas (note Flash, Dale and Zarkov in background)

Monkey Man (from Harold Lloyd):

Aura tries to save Flash (note ripped shirt, Shatner-style):

Starring...

2009-09-18T03:05:00.000+01:00

Space Soldiers (1936)

2009-09-18T02:19:00.000+01:00