Flash Gordon's Trip to Mars (1938)

Chapter Thirteen - Rocketing to Earth

In the lamest cliff-hanger cheat yet, Flash asks Aura if there's another way out of the turret and she says, "Yes! The trap-door!" They all bundle through it except Flash and Vulcan, who catch a bit of the blast. They take Vulcan back to the lab to nurse his wounds.

Ming orders everyone's deaths again. He says, "Prepare the Execution Chamber", although, sadly, we never get to see the Execution Chamber. It sounds cool, though.

Zarkov smugly wires up the door of the lab so that it's electrified. Various soldiers and Ming try the door several times and go "D'oh!" each time they get shocked. Everyone is standing around smiling as Zarkov announces "We can hold out indefinitely", but then Ming cuts the electricity to the room and, seconds later, Zarkov says "The electric energy has been cut off" and everyone looks sad.

Lion King's fleet of Spinning Top Ships attack and Ming brings the prisoners in to watch his ships destroy Lion King's men. However, Lion King's ships do better than Ming's and Flash taunts him.

Ming is about to have them all killed again (including his daughter, who he accuses of 'consorting with traitors' - he doesn't know the half of it) when Lion King and his men burst in and there's another big fight. Someone actually says, "It's THUN! And his Lion Men!"

In all the Smoke and Confusion, Ming escapes. He whispers something to the High Priest Of Evil, who is still faithfully manning the gong. He enters a chamber and is enveloped with smoke, then disappears. The High Priest tells Flash, Aura and Barin that Ming is dead. Flash seems more upset than Aura does. They return to the temple and the High Priest cackles, evilly.

The High Priest overhears Zarkov radioing the Stupid Earthlings that they're on their way home. He plants a bomb on their ship and does a rather cool thing where he walks straight into the camera, cackling away. It has to be said that the High Priest is camping it up even more than Vulcan.

Anyway, they all say their goodbyes - Aura is now one of the good guys and she's shacked up with Barin. As the ship flies off they hear the High Priest (still cackling) and get him to tell them about the bomb. They radio Flash and he chucks the bomb out of the window in the nick of time.

On their way to Earth they ask Professor Gordon to shut down every single electricity plant on Earth so they can re-enter the atmosphere safely. Professor Gordon goes, "Yeah, alright." Zarkov turns to tell Flash and Dale the good news but they're too busy making out. Zarkov watches them for longer than is strictly appropriate.

THE END

Chapter Twelve - Trapped In The Turret

Flash arrives as Dale is getting mauled (or possibly humped) by the Sacred Tigron. Dale actually looks like she can hold her own with the Tigron but Flash bursts in and kills it with his bare hands.

It's actually quite upsetting. Dale says, "Flash - you've killed him!" and Flash says, rather too nonchalantly, "Yes. I guess I got here just in time". I must say, they seem to be offing Sacred Creatures at a rate of knots - that's the Orangopoid, the Fire Dragon and now the Tigron in the space of four episodes.

Barin persuades Princess Aura that she'll never win Flash's heart by killing Dale. She agrees to help them escape. Barin's sweaty Belgian charms appear to be winning her over after all.

Aura asks Ming to let everyone go. Ming agrees, but you can tell he doesn't mean it.

Ming's guards destroy Zarkov's Invisibility Machine on Ming's orders. Zarkov is heart-broken, particularly as he never got to turn himself invisible with it. Dale and Flash arrive to tell Zarkov the good news, but Zarkov is still upset about his machine. Dale says, "But we weren't going to use it again anyway, were we?" and Zarkov shoots her a Look Of Death.

They contact the Stupid Earthlings and tell them they're coming home. Professor Gordon looks a little like Walt Disney. His reaction is a badly-delivered "That's welcome news."

Flash and friends don't trust Ming. Vulcan invites them to the Sky City before they leave for Earth. Ming sends his men to spy on everyone and seize any opportunity to destroy them all.

Barin arranges to send his rocket ship for them - he tells them he'll meet them at the Turret House, by the 'lake of rocks'. Sadly we don't get to see what a lake of rocks looks like. Ming's guards overhear the plan and Ming says he'll have an "excellent surprise" waiting for them, before slinking off in an evil fashion.

There's a lot of repeated footage of spaceships flying, the Giant Iguanas and even the (now supposedly imprisoned) High Priest striking the gong again. Flash and friends contact Lion King over the spaceograph again, but I'm not sure why. Perhaps they miss him. Or perhaps they are trying to set him up with Zarkov, since they share similar tastes in beards.

Anyway, they arrive at the Turret and see Barin's ship arriving, but it fires at them instead! As they duck into the Turret House the whole place explodes around them.

Chapter Eleven - In The Claws of the Tigron

Hmmm. We've had an Octosac and an Orangopoid, so no prizes for guessing what the Tigron turns out to be.

Anyway, the soldiers run away when Flash disappears. (They also scattered rather comically when they saw the Fire Dragon earlier). Zarkov laughs and reveals that he has invented an Invisibility Ray. This seems a little suspect, given that Zarkov has been busy with the Floating City Ray and radioing Earth. Dale doesn't hold with this new-fangled invisibility and says she doesn't like it. Zarkov makes him visible again.

The Invisibility Ray isn't quite perfect - Zarkov doesn't know how long it'll last. Barin wants a go, but Flash says he'll test it. He slips into Ming's chamber and throttles him, scaring him a bit. Charles Middleton does some good 'being throttled by an invisible foe' acting.

Ming orders his men to kill Flash the moment he becomes visible again. The High Priest tells Ming that it's not a trick, it's the vengeance of the Gods because they killed the Fire Dragon - Ming has him locked up.

Still invisible, Flash rescues King Vulcan from jail. This involves fooling a soldier with a 'dancing' fish. Vulcan laughs.

Aura persuades Ming that he can't kill a man he can't see. He allows her to spy on the Puny Humans in the laboratory.

Back in the lab, they show Vulcan the Invisibility Ray - he wants a go too. The plan is to take power magazines to Zarkov's ship and to Vulcan's city.

The Earth calls again. The dialogue and acting on Earth is really, really bad. Again, they receive the message ('Everyone alive, but in danger') but they don't reply. Shame Professor Gordon is related because there's a golden opportunity to say, "Gordon's ALIVE" and no-one takes it. They go with "Your son lives!" instead.

Zarkov makes Flash invisible again and they take the power magazines to the ship, leaving Barin and Dale behind. Aura eavesdrops and hears the whole plan. Flash mocks Zarkov's puny carrying powers - the invisibility is going to his head.

Barin realises they are being watched and takes Dale to "a cave in the catacombs under the palace". Aura tells Ming and says that she'll capture Dale. She gets her henchwoman and they use "the sacred Tigron" to track Dale, using one of her shoes.

Flash, Zarkov and Vultan arrive back at the lab and fight some soldiers. Vulcan uses the time-honoured 'Belly-slamming' method. Flash becomes visible again. Barin returns and he and Flash go back for Dale.

The Tigron is -yes!- a Tiger. It seems a little frisky. It gets away from Aura and her henchwoman and attacks Dale!

Chapter Ten - The Unseen Peril

Zarkov arrives slightly earlier than before and says, "I'll kill the Dragon with this grenade!" (What the hell? Where did Zarkov get a grenade?). The High Priest is pretty upset and accuses Zarkov of sacrilege but no-one pays any attention.

Zarkov realises that Flash has been drugged with something mysterious and orders him to be taken to his laboratory. He says he can revive Flash but doesn't know if he can do anything about the drug. Aura smiles, evilly.

At the Bride Choosing Ceremony, Aura tells Ming that Flash still can't remember anything. Sure enough, when asked to choose a bride he says, "I have no wish to choose a bride...amongst strangers". Dale looks gutted, or as gutted as she can manage. Aura whisks Flash off to 'explain'.

Vulcan protests, alleging witchcraft. He gets thrown into jail. Ming eyes up Dale again. (There also seems to be some continuity error as it looks as if Barin is also entitled to a bride and a kingdom, despite Flash totally bitch-slapping him in the Arena of Death. At any rate, he doesn't get to make a choice).

Barin tells Zarkov about the Forgetfulness Potion and Zarkov says he can counter-act it, despite not having counter-acted it a few minutes ago when he revived Flash in his lab. Make your mind up, Zarkov.

A classic opportunity for a cat fight is wasted when Aura and Dale both try to help Flash regain his memory. Aura tells Flash he came there to meet her right in front of Dale and instead of slapping her, Dale just sits there, open-mouthed. When she finally speaks all she says is, "Flash - don't you know me?" Aura tells Flash that Dale is one of Ming's wives and she still doesn't argue with her! Dale hugs Flash and cries. Aura sends her away.

Barin arrives and tries to take Flash to Zarkov. Aura tells Flash that Barin is her enemy and Flash and Barin have another swordfight, a pretty good one. They put a lot into it, anyway. Then Zarkov arrives and pins Flash's arms while Barin knocks him out. They take him to the lab and try to revive him.

Meanwhile, on Earth, Professor Gordon has a new Communications Device that is -gasp!- nine times more powerful than the old model. The stupid thing is, even though Earth can hear Mongo and Mongo can hear Earth, neither of them actually talk to each other. Earth loses contact.

Ming has had enough and tells Officer Torch to find Flash and execute him immediately. Aura protests, as usual.

The officers burst into the lab and tell Flash they are here to execute him. Zarkov makes Flash stand against the wall and, just as the soldiers are about to shoot, Flash disappears! Dale screams.