Chapter Seven - The Prisoner of Mongo

This time there's a little bit of a cheat in the cliffhanger escape, in that after having passed out, Flash just gets up again and carries everyone to safety, stashing Dale in the hollow of a tree trunk. Of course, Dale being Dale, she immediately gets kidnapped while Flash is saving Zarkov and Happy.

Team Flash look for Dale in some cool-looking passageways strewn with tree roots. It turns out the Fire People are very small, so it's quite comical when they attack. Anyway, attack they do, and there are quite a few of them, so Flash, Zarkov and Happy are eventually overpowered.

A now captured Flash, Zarkov, Happy and Dale are all brought before Mighty Turan, who is presumably the Fire King, given how naming works in this serial. He's not very sympathetic to their plight and says “To the Death Cell with these Earth people!” 

It turns out that the Fire People are secret allies of Ming (so his questions to Azura about them last episode were entirely disingenuous) and they send him a message via a surprisingly sophisticated electro message device. 

Azura wants the Earth people dead and Ming demands that they be brought back to Azura's kingdom. We also get an update on how the Nitron Lamp is going – it's apparently draining the Earth of “6,000 Amprons an hour” and Ming says that it will be “a dead planet within the month”.

Back in the Death Cell, Team Flash try everything they can think of but they can't get out. Also, Happy has taken to calling Zarkov “Zarky” for some reason. Suddenly, they hear a scraping sound and the wall starts smoking. Is it acid? Poison gas? Whatever it is, it's enough to get Dale to do the panicked “Flash, look out!” thing she does in the opening credits of the first episode.

Everyone braces for the worst. A hole opens up in the wall and out tumbles...Prince Barin! It's kind of a shame the opening credits (see “Starring” post) spoiled his involvement, because his surprise appearance is such a laugh-out-loud moment. Flash, in particular, is clearly delighted to see him again.

After some brief introductions (“This is Prince Barin – he's the king of the Forest People on Mongo”), Barin explains that he came to Mars to ask the Fire People for help in the fight against Ming, but he was taken prisoner. He also explains that he rescued them with a vial of Amphitron, which can “eat through armour”. So...why did it take him so long to escape then? Anyway, no doubt that Amphitron will be Important For Later.

Barin isn't done explaining yet. He informs Team Flash that the Forest People are immune to Azura's magic by virtue of a black sapphire that counteracts the white sapphire that gives her her powers. That's why Barin came to the Fire People in the first place. As a side note, it's nice to see that Barin still has his penchant for short shorts.

Anyway, thanks to Barin's brains, Team Flash now have a plan. They decide to break out of the Death Cell and steal the fabled Black Sapphire of Kalu from the equally fabled Temple of Kalu. The escape goes well – Flash lures some guard into the cell and Barin knocks them out.

Once outside, Team Flash quickly find the temple. Flash posts Dale and Happy as lookouts, while he goes ahead with Zarkov and Barin. As soon as they're gone, Dale and Happy spot a Stratosled coming in for a landing. When it lands, Martian guards emerge and greet a couple of Fire People, with both groups of extras delivering their lines really badly. Happy heads off to warn Flash, while Dale stays behind to keep watch.

Back at the Temple of Kalu, Flash notes that the shrine is heavily guarded. He spots a handy tree that he can climb, in order to swing in and avoid the guards. However, he's spotted by a Fire Man, who sounds an alarm! Fire People keep coming after Flash in his tree and he fights two of them off. Then he swings away, but the vine breaks and he crashes to the ground. Just as he gets up, a Fire Man hits him with a heat ray and he passes out as his clothes start smoking!

Note: Annoyingly, the DVD cuts off the title page for the next chapter and replaces it with “The End” (no question mark), because it's the end of Disc One. If ever I find out who's responsible for that, they'll find themselves on the wrong end of a Tigron. 

Chapter Six - Tree Men of Mars

This time there are no cheats in the cliff-hanger escape. Zarkov recovers and moves Flash out of the way just in time. The bomber crashes into the rocks, but the Martians are unharmed. 

Flash fakes being still paralysed, luring the Martians to him so he can beat them up. At least he's clearly doing his own fight scenes now – no blatantly obvious stunt men this time.

Zarkov freezes a Martian during the fight and Flash, hilariously, uses the unconscious Martian to lure the remaining guards away from their Strato-sled, by, er...standing behind him and waving his arm.

Martians are credulous as hell, so their plan works. However, the Strato-sled is too damaged to take off. Their new plan is to use the Paralyser Gun to get gas masks in order to re-enter the tunnel to the Clay Kingdom, which, if you remember, is now filled with poison gas, thanks to Azura. They decide that the quickest way back to the Kingdom will be to use their Martian wings, so they climb up a cliff and jump off, as the Martians start shooting at them. It's not entirely clear whether they are still parachuting or actually flying, but they definitely move upwards as they take off. 

Anyway, Flash and Zarkov land back in Azura's kingdom and, disguised with Martian helmets, steal the gas masks from right under Ming's nose. Ming spots the Paralyser Gun and asks where the Earth men are, but Flash waves him away with the gun and he and Zarkov escape into the tunnel, taking a tube back to the Clay Kingdom.

Azura beams in and Ming tells her what's happened. It appears that this is the first time that Azura is aware of the tunnel, even though she filled it with poison gas in the first place. She turns two of her men into Clay People (they sort of volunteer, even though they're scared) and sends them into the tunnel after Flash and Zarkov, promising she'll return them to their normal bodies once their mission is accomplished.

Meanwhile, Flash arrives in the Clay Kingdom and paralyses some of the Clay People, threatening the Clay King with paralysis before his enemies. He then rescues Dale and Happy, leaving Zarkov with the Paralyser Gun trained on the Clay King.

Queen Azura's men arrive and knock out Zarkov, training the gun on the Clay King and revealing themselves as enemy agents. However, Flash throws a rock and disarms them, saving Zarkov and the Clay King. 

The Martians scatter and Flash explains everything to the Clay King, telling him all about their previous encounters with Ming. This necessitates a lengthy flashback to Space Soldiers, specifically the Invisibility Ray bit from Chapter Eleven – In The Jaws of the Tigron, where an invisible Flash does a strangle on Ming for a bit.

It's nice to see Princess Aura again, anyway.

The Clay King now understands everything, but says his people will be unable to help, as they are victims of Azura's wrath and “a mere shadow of a once mighty race”. Happy says, “But gee whizz, King, if you can't help us yourself, can't you steer us to somebody that will?” and the Clay King goes, “In your place, I should try the Forest People. They're a strange race, but honest and powerful.” This is the first time anyone's mentioned a third race of people on Mars, but whatever.

Back in Azura's palace, her men return, having failed her. She's not happy and she turns them back into Clay People, banishing them to the Clay caves. She seems to be able to teleport them, with the same cloud of smoke trick she uses on herself. Her men are frightened and plead for mercy, saying the Clay People will kill them, but she's unmoved.

Azura and Ming approach a televisor operative and ask to see the Earth men. The screen shows Flash, Dale, Zarkov and Happy moving through a wooded area that Azura immediately recognises as the Forest Kingdom. 

Ming says, “Isn't that the home of the Fire People?” Azura says yes, describing them as “the most savage nation on Mars”, adding that no-one has ever entered their Kingdom and lived. Ming notes that “Flash Gordon is no ordinary man” and asks Azura how she can make sure the Earth men will not escape. Azura says she has a plan and draws Ming's attention to an idol in the forest.

Watched by the Fire People in the trees (who basically look like wild-haired cavemen), Team Flash approach the idol. Happy takes a photograph of it and Azura somehow uses her powers to disintegrate it as he does so. This angers the Fire People and they start shooting fire bombs at Flash and his friends. They're soon trapped by a ring of fire. Dale faints, of course, but the others pass out too as the flames close in.

Another fail on behalf of the chapter title writers, by the way – they're clearly Fire Men, not Tree Men. Although, having said that, I can see how “Fire Men of Mars” wouldn't have worked, so fair enough.

Chapter Five - The Boomerang

The cliff-hanger escape to this episode is the most blatant cheat so far. Previously, we saw the impact of the crash knock Flash to the ground as the ship exploded. Here, he doesn't even fall down, he just grabs a ray gun and shoots open the jammed door BEFORE the collision, floating safely to the ground with his Martian wings. The enemy ship explodes though, so job done, I guess.

Down on the ground, the Clay People haul Dale and Happy back into the caves via their chains. Happy comments that he hopes Flash rescues them soon because he's “through getting pushed around by a lot of mud pies”.

 The Clay Kingdom turns out to be a lot more advanced than we previously thought because it turns out that they have a super cool underground subway system that even the Martians don't know about. Flash and Zarkov are looking for their friends when they overhear the Clay People saying that Dale and Happy will soon be turned into clay if Flash doesn't bring Azura like he promised. Zarkov, being the intuitive scientist that he is, reasons that the turning-into-clay thing is to do with prolonged exposure to the atmosphere of the caves. If you say so, Z-man.

Anyway, Flash and Zarkov decide to have another go at getting Azura, so Flash decoys a guard and they jump on a subway tube, arriving at a ladder that takes them right into Azura's domain. It's kind of hilarious that the two kingdoms are so easily connected, but at least it's convenient and saves all that faffing about with Strato-sleds.

Speaking of convenient, it turns out the ladder leads directly into Ming's lab. Needing Nitron, Flash and Zarkov beat up some Martian guards, in another fight with frankly outrageously obvious stunt men. 

Flash and Zarkov win easily and Flash sets about chucking men down the ladder hatch while Zarkov looks for Nitron. However, it turns out there's only a small amount left and Zarkov says that to get more, they'll have to keep the Nitron Beam going, meaning that they'll have to keep destroying the Earth for a bit, despite that being the whole reason they came to Mars in the first place. Flash enjoys the irony.

You can't leave Zarkov alone in a lab for even five minutes without him coming up with a new weapon or two and before you know it, he's whipped up a Paralyser Ray and is making plans to create a new weapon. Ming and Azura are listening in on the Televisor and they decide they want Zarkov's weapon, so they send in some guards. However, Flash distracts them all with a hilariously terrible whistle (“Don't worry, Buster, we'll add that in post-production...”) and then locks them all in a chamber in a needlessly complicated sequence that uses a curtain for some reason.

With the guards safely locked up, Flash and Zarkov turn their attention to the newly-invented Paralyser Gun. “Try it out on me!”, Flash says. “No, try it out on me!”, Zarkov replies. Just a couple of lads, having a few laughs. Anyway, Zarkov zaps a still smiling Flash, who's instantly paralysed.

With impeccable timing, Ming arrives and frees his men and they burst into the lab to find a frozen Flash. Ming is amused and orders Zarkov to keep Flash frozen, but Zarkov warns the paralyser ray hasn't been tested and the whole thing could go boom. 

Azura's there too and she insists that they don't damage the gun. Then the ray wears off and Flash fakes being frozen before grabbing the gun and freezing Ming and his men. Azura's too quick for them though and does her disappearing-in-a-puff-of-smoke trick, somehow managing to flood the subway tubes with poison gas as she does so.

Cut off from the subway, Flash and Zarkov leg it out to the airfield and head for some rocky wasteland. Azura orders her men to board a bomber and “Strike from the air!” The bomber duly heads straight for Flash and Zarkov. A very excited guard zaps Zarkov (at least, that's what it looks like) and he falls over just as the bomber moves in for the kill. Flash runs over to help Zarkov but – DISASTER!- he accidentally turns on the Paralyser Gun and freezes himself as the bomber heads directly for him. 

Incidentally, it's never made clear what “The Boomerang” of the chapter title is meant to be. The subway, maybe?